neurobiological disorder or just different wiring?

I find it quite interesting how so many people can have so many opinions! On the one hand, ADHD is a disorder. It affects how we learn, react, perform ( or don't perform!) executive functions, and view our world.
Our world... hmmm, we make our own little world now, don't we? But that's another story...
Research is showing the brain in Pet scans and MRI's as different than the non ADHD brain. Medication helps our brains "light up" and perform the tasks that we need to do on a more "normal" level.
Non treated ADHDers are more likely to get into traffic accidents, become alcoholics or substance abusers, and have difficulties in relationships. EEK , that just sounds downright depressing!! Funny, I don't feel disordered... But rather, instead, disconnected.

I am disconnected from the real world when I start daydreaming for no apparent reason.
I am disconnected from friendships because there are those that view me as "inapproachable"
I am disconnected from social gatherings because my mind blanks out or I have a problem making small talk.

disconnectedness... Is that part of a disorder? Or just being wired differently??

Funny, when surrounded by people that are "hyper" ( for lack of a better term, cause I wouldn't know if they were truly ADD or not..)

I am connected to the real world, because other ADDer energy keeps me involved and focused.
I am connected to possible friendships because I totally enjoy being with people who can actually OUTTALK me! LOL
I am connected in social gatherings because we all just interrupt each other and no one cares!!

So is it really a disorder? Or different wiring?

I honestly think it's a little of both. We are wired differently , we are unusual, sometimes a little on the strange side, but always a lot of fun when in our element!
We have a disorder because we do not fit society's views of what is "normal"

Maybe it is more of a disorder because we have not figured out to accommodate our differences in such a way that does not involve Shame, depression, or anxiety. If we could figure that out, maybe we wouldn't need that medication. Accepting ourselves as we are, as creative, enthusiastic, and tirelessly inquisitive individuals.. Gee, that doesn't sound so "disordered" does it?

Medication and insurance ramblings...

I have been thinking way too much about my medication lately. Right now, I am taking metadate CD 20mgs in the morning and another 20mgs 4 1/2 to 5 hours later. This works out pretty well so far. BUT, I have recently found out that my schedule at work is going to be changed for next year. I am going to need more focus in the morning than what I currently do.
In the a.m., I teach kinder and first graders -- The energy in the room keeps me pretty focused. But that will change when I have older ones in the morning. Sigh... Just when I got everything going ok, things will have to change. I think I know what I may need to do. I have taken concerta 36mgs. Before, but insurance wouldn't cover it because it wasn't a part of "step therapy", so that's why I got switched to the metadate.

In October, I can switch insurance carriers. I have looked at the formulary lists of all the ones that will be available to me and found that concerta is covered as a first line med with cigna. No JUMPING through HOOPS!! DH says that it may cost more, but I sure would rather have insurance that would allow my Dr. To prescribe what he thinks is best rather than what some insurance company wants me to have based on profit margins and discounts with manufacturers!

The problem is that the school year of course starts in August, and I cant switch insurance until October. I am seriously thinking about asking the doc to switch me back to concerta so that I can have a more even treatment throughout the day, and just pay for the stuff for 3 months or so until I can get Cigna to pick it up. That would cost me a pretty penny, but I like being able to control my mind and emotions throughout the day rather than minimal control in am and focused between 12 - 5. Plus there was a side effect that my hubby definitely enjoyed.. ummm but we won't get into that! LOL

Why am I thinking about this so far in advance? Maybe its the anxiety that just loves to kick in and keep me on my toes!! I know ADD usually is more concerned with the here and now. I have heard that people with anxiety disorders comorbid with ADD actually helps them to be more successful.. Albeit adding quite a lot of turmoil on the inside.

ahhh saturday

There's nothing better than the weekend! I'm sitting here in my favorite chair in front of the fire place with a nice relaxing cup of coffee. The house is asleep.

this is my time,

peaceful....

even the noise in my head is a lot less.

Later, activities will start. I'll be running ninety to nothing : Soccer games, counseling session for someone other than me, lunch with grandpa, jazz concert this evening. Somewhere in between, I will have to fit in Costco, the grocery store, and the housework.

uh oh.....

The noise in my head is growing a little louder!! LOL

Calming down for now.. Logging off so that I can enjoy my coffee ;)

Mental confusion

This one is the biggest thing that gets me. Mental confusion.... How do I get my mind around that one? Anytime something goes out of routine, I have to ask all sorts of questions. Then I get that blasted "look" !! aaaaaahhhhhh!! You know the look? It's that expression from someone that seems to say , what are you? Stupid?" Nooooooo, that's why I'm asking questions! I'm a bit confused about what is supposed to be happening so I 'm asking about it so that when I take action, I WON'T look stupid!
I've been trying to figure out lately if mental confusion is part of ADD or just me being a ditz. I really don't know. I do know that ADD is a disorder of Executive functions, maybe I have grown up with making so many silly mistakes that I just need to double check everything.

But that mentally confused feeling.. I really don't like it. Quite frankly when I am going through that I really do feel stupid. Its like some kind of mental fog has set in, and I cant even ask coherent intelligent questions. My mind is going in slow motion.. Which is actually kind of funny when one thinks about it, since ADDer's are supposed to be going ninety to nothin'!!
But if you're inattentive, I'm not sure that it's always the case. Inattentiveness is my biggest problem. Even though I was diagnosed combined type.

Palms and Post its

What a marvelous invention for an inattentive ADDer like me! But its funny, everytime I tried using them before medication, it would last for maybe a month or so, then fizzle out to my same sad state of disorganization! So far I have kept up with my palm for 8 months! This is a personal record! LOL
unfortunately, its not a fool proof method: I had a meeting last month at work, it was in my palm and on 2 back up post it notes. (one electronic on the computer, and one paper stuck to my desk.) BUT, I forgot to set the alarm on the palm, and I don't always check the palm pilot and rely way too much on the alarm to go off.
But what about the post it notes? weelllllllll, I didn't see the one on my desk until later, and I didn't see it on my computer either! Unbelievable!! But do you know what? It's believable to an ADDer.. Gee, no wonder why people get so frustrated with us! I can look at something and still not "see" it..

First post!

Well, this looks pretty fun. I never thought I would be blogging since I primarily thought it was something that seemed to be pretty much in the teen domain! LOL, maybe that's why I'm doing it -- I never seem to have grown up! My poor family, ever since diagnosis, ADD seems to be the only thing I talk about! I do have other interests, but when I catch on to something new, I try to learn everything I can till I go on to the next thing. Maybe blogging will help and I won't need to vent so much to them. I am currently treating my ADHD medically with metadate cd. It really does seem to work quite well! Although I am quite moody in the evenings. I try not to be, but sometimes I let a little irritation slip through in my voice. As I am typing this, I am wondering if there will be anyone who actually reads this. It will be interesting to find out.